


The Odd Couple

by DisnerdingAvenger



Category: Agents of S.H.I.E.L.D. (TV)
Genre: Bromance, Domestic, F/M, Gen, Humor, M/M, Multi, Parody, non-canon
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2015-03-07
Updated: 2015-03-06
Packaged: 2018-03-16 16:11:41
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,042
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3494699
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/DisnerdingAvenger/pseuds/DisnerdingAvenger
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>When Fitz's wife leaves him for another man, he's forced to move in with his old best friend- who also happens to be divorced. Grant Ward and Leo Fitz couldn't be more different, and their conflicting personalities beneath one roof result in hilarity and shenanigans.</p>
            </blockquote>





	The Odd Couple

**Author's Note:**

> I recently started watching the Matthew Perry version of "The Odd Couple", and I found the characters' awkward dynamic hilarious- and obviously my first thought was to write a FitzWard parody of it. Enjoy!

He really should have known from the beginning that marrying Melissa would end badly; after all, he did catch her cheating on him the night before the wedding with his cousin Timmy. Why Timmy, he would never know; his older brother was much more attractive... but that's beside the point. The point is that, after five rather rocky years of marriage and thousands of dollars spent on couple's therapy, Melissa had just kicked Leo Fitz out of their New York apartment and shouted for him to "get lost". Considering she locked the door so that he couldn't get back in, he assumed she really meant it this time. 

After standing out in the hall for over an hour, asking repeatedly for her to open the door, he'd had no choice but to actually leave the building... mostly because their neighbors were getting fed up and one of them had actually called the police. 

That's how he ended up at Grant Ward's door at eleven o'clock at night, looking rather defeated. Ward, on the other hand, seemed a bit annoyed to see him there. 

You see, Grant Ward had a date that night. A date that had been going rather well up until his friend who he hadn't spoken to in two years showed up at his door looking like he just got hit by a bus. Not literally, of course, but emotionally. He looked like he just got hit by a bus filled with emotions. 

"What's going on?" 

The voice came from Skye Johnson, Ward's neighbor from across the hall. You see, in any other scenario, he would have welcomed his old friend inside without hesitation, but he _really_ wanted to sleep with Skye. He'd had an elaborate plan that finally got him to this moment; every day since she moved into the building three weeks ago, he'd arranged for some of his mail to be left in her box so that she would have a reason to come over and he would have an excuse to talk to her. What he considered smooth most people would consider stalking, but Grant Ward was an incredibly pretty man, so he could get away with just about anything. Even murder, maybe, if he was a psycho, but everyone was fairly sure that he wasn't one. 

It had taken him two weeks and five days to finally ask Skye out, and the date had been going in his favor in just about every possible way. He took her out to dinner, where he learned that her real name was Daisy but she changed it when she was sixteen (due to serious daddy issues), and when they got back to his place, she informed him that she wasn't really looking for a relationship at the moment. She'd just moved to the city and wanted to sort out her life- and just when he'd been about to throw in the towel, she'd told him that all she was looking for was sex. And then, of course, Fitz showed up and ruined everything. 

"Melissa kicked me out," he informed Grant in response to Skye's question, sniveling, and Ward shot him a look. 

"That's terrible, buddy, but I'm kind of busy right now-"

"Oh my god! Your girlfriend kicked you out? You poor thing!"

Before Grant could fully make sense of what was happening, Skye was on her feet and pulling Leo into the apartment, and he was filling her in on all the details. 

"My wife, actually; my wife kicked me out. Told me to get lost, not that she's never done that before, but... but she locked the door this time..."

He was clearly on the verge of tears as Skye helped him down onto the couch, and Grant heaved a heavy sigh, muttering, "Please, come in," before shutting the door and walking over to the couch to join them.

"That's _terrible_ ," Skye stated, giving Fitz's shoulder a squeeze, and he nodded, his face screwed up from his tears. 

"Married for five years, and she just kicks me out, completely out of the blue!"

"Out of the blue?" Ward asked, scoffing slightly. "Fitz, you two have been fighting since your honeymoon. I'd say this was a long time coming."

"Grant!" Skye hissed, frowning at his insensitivity, and he heaved a heavy sigh. 

"We don't _fight_ ," Fitz disagreed, giving his head a shake. "We just... we have spats sometimes. Lovers spats. Couples do it all the time. You and Lorelei did, too, before the divorce, didn't you-?"

The second he brought up Ginny, Grant had began waving his hands to fend him off of the subject, and he quickly stopped when Skye turned her head to look at him.

"Wait, you were married?" she questioned, and Fitz glanced up at Ward with surprise.

"Wait, you didn't tell her?"

Taking a breath, he pushed a hand through his hair before making himself answer them both.

"Yes," he begrudgingly admitted to Skye before shooting Fitz another look, "and I was going to, but you typically don't mention your _ex-wife_ on a first date."

"But you've only been divorced for seven months," Fitz stated with just as much surprise as before, fishing his phone out of his pocket, "Look, I can show you when your facebook status changed-"

" _That won't be necessary_ ," Ward ground out, and Fitz glanced up again, shrugging his shoulders and pocketing his phone again before drying his cheeks.

"Suit yourself. I just would have thought it's a bit soon to be dating again..."

"When your wife was a controlling witch who made you cater to her every whim, I don't think there's any real reason not to move on."

"But she divorced you," Leo commented, furrowing his brow. "Obviously you didn't mind that much, otherwise you would have-"

"I think I'm gonna go," Skye interrupted him, rising to her feet and picking up her purse from the floor by the couch. "You two clearly have a lot to talk about, and I think I'll just be getting in the way of that."

"You don't have to go," Ward tried in an attempt at stopping her, turning to Leo with a deep frown. "Fitz was just about to leave."

"He just got dumped by his wife, Grant," Skye interjected with a frown, slinging her purse over her shoulder and shaking her head. "He clearly needs a friend right now. We can talk later." 

Ward barely contained a groan of frustration as Skye gave Leo a hug and walked toward the door, and it wasn't until she was gone that he let himself snap.

"She seems nice," Leo had commented, and Grant pointed toward the door angrily. 

"She's also hot, and I was about to get _laid_ ," he hissed, advancing on the smaller man seated on the couch. "You could not _possibly_ have worse timing."

"Technically, it's Melissa's timing that's bad, not mine. She was the one who kicked me out, and I didn't know who else to turn to."

"You could have turned to a _hotel!_ " 

"But hotels don't offer moral support as a part of room service, Ward. I needed a friend for that."

Feeling the smallest fragment of his anger subside, Grant took a moment to calm himself down before heaving a heavy sigh, running a hand through his hair again and taking a seat beside Leo. 

"You couldn't have gone to see another friend? A less attractive one who probably wouldn't be trying to have sex on a Saturday night?"

"You're my _best_ friend," Leo added, and Grant rolled his eyes.

"How am I your best friend? You haven't spoken to me in two years!"

"I can't help that. Melissa is best friends with Lorelei, and she hates you. A happy wife equals a happy life, Grant."

"What, so your wife started to hate me when Lorelei and I started fighting, and that automatically meant you couldn't be friends with me anymore? Get a backbone, Leo."

"Ehm... yeah. Yeah, that's when she started to hate you," Leo remarked, awkwardly scratching his neck before huffing. "And I _have_ a backbone!" 

"Oh, yeah? Then why are you here instead of at your own apartment?"

"Because Melissa locked the door!" 

"And why don't you have a key?"

"Because she doesn't let me have one-! Okay... I sort of see your point."

Shaking his head, Grant slumped back in his seat, glancing over at Leo. 

"What are you going to do? Just let her have the apartment and all of your stuff?"

"No." Frowning, Leo narrowed his eyes and shook his head. "I'll just go back home tomorrow. This was just a spat, Ward; she'll start feeling guilty any minute now. I know she will." 

"And if she doesn't? Fitz, your relationship is messed up. Why haven't you divorced her yet? She slept with your cousin the night before you married her, and she's cheated on you five times since then!"

"Not _everyone_ turns to divorce to solve their problems, Ward," Fitz spat out, slumping back into the couch as well, "And it's six, actually. Apparently she's been having a thing with her personal trainer for a while now."

"That's pathetic. _She_ is pathetic. You can do better."

"But I love her."

It was quiet for a long time before Grant got to his feet, starting toward the swinging door to the kitchen. "You need a beer."

"And a bed," Fitz added, glancing over at Ward as he walked away. "Can I-?"

" _Yes_ , you can stay here. But if Skye comes back, you're sleeping on the terrace."

* * *

Skye didn't come back. Ward was convinced it was because she couldn't handle how awkward things became when she found out about Lorelei, but what could he do? It wasn't Fitz's fault that his brain worked differently than just about every other man on the planet; he just had so much _faith_ in love. The poor sap was still convinced that, after Melissa cheated on him six times, she was miraculously going to remember that, at one point, maybe for a split second, she loved him. Ward wasn't stupid; he knew the bitch only really loved all of the money that he made. Fitz was an engineer at NYU, and he had designed some of NASA's most prestigious equipment from a tacky little university lab. Fitz was a genius, and for someone so smart, Ward would never understand how Leo was stupid enough to marry a leech like Melissa. Of course, he hadn't been allowed to say anything back then; if he had, Lorelei might have divorced him on the spot instead of seven years later. 

Technically, he wasn't doing so poorly in the money department, either. Grant Ward had written multiple successful spy novel series, and he was financially set for life just off of the commission that he received. That being said, getting divorced really did a number on his creativity. His publishers were expecting a new book by next month, and he hadn't written a single word since Lorelei dropped the divorce papers on his desk. He had begun to wonder if he accidentally signed off on giving her his muse with the divorce. 

The morning after Leo showed up, he had decided to go sight seeing around the city with hopes that something might, on whim, inspire him to keep writing. He was wrong, of course, but what he was greeted with when he arrived home even the Clairvoyant, the antagonist of his last series, couldn't have foreseen. 

Every electronic device in the living room appeared to have been taken apart and left in shambles on the floor, couch, and even the stairs up to the next level of the apartment. There was only one person he knew who could have dismantled it all so precisely. 

" _Fitz!_ "

There was a crash in the kitchen following his shout, and a moment later the other man poked his head into the living room, his face smeared with grease. Grant wasn't sure he wanted to know what it was from.

"Yes?"

"What the _hell_ is all of this?"

"Oh. That?"

"Yes, _that_."

"I, ehm... I didn't feel like going in to work today, so I called in sick, but I... I, ehm... I got bored, so I..."

" _Took apart everything I own?_ "

"Yeah. But I put the oven back together! I just finished. It works twice as fast now."

Pinching the bridge of his nose, Grant shook his head. The last time Leo had done something like this was back in university, when his mother phoned him to tell him that his dog had died. Grant came back to their dorm room to find every piece of furniture taken apart, down to the last screw. Something very bad must have happened during the three hours he was away today.

"What happened?"

"Haven't we already been over this? I took everything apart-"

"Yes, I can _see_ that, but _why?_ "

"I... oh. Why?"

"Fitz!" 

He fell silent, glancing at his feet before taking a hold of his arm, getting grease on his rolled up blue flannel shirt. 

"Melissa called. She's having her lawyer email me divorce papers. I've got until the end of the month to clear all of my stuff out."

A deep frown pulling at his lips, Grant moved forward, carefully dodging pieces of equipment and screens until he was face to face with the shorter man. "She can't do that. It's your apartment!"

"Yes she can."

"No, she-"

"Yes, she can! I let her talk me into only putting her name on the lease when we bought it. Technically, it's hers."

Cursing under his breath, Grant raised his voice. 

"Why in _hell_ would you do that?"

"Because I'm an idiot, that's why! She clearly planned to do all of this from the very beginning, and I was stupid enough to keep on loving her even though she didn't love me-"

"I'm calling my lawyer," Grant stated, turning around and searching for the phone. "We're going to fix this. She can't do this."

"You can't do that."

"Damn it, Fitz, yes I can-!"

"No, I mean you really _can't_ do that. I took apart the phone."

* * *

Three weeks later, Fitz had officially moved in with Ward. He had assured him that it would only be temporary, just while he was going through the divorce and until he could find his own place, but Ward didn't mind. Secretly, he sort of enjoyed having his old friend around- which meant he couldn't stand seeing him so miserable. 

He would wake up, go to work, come home, take something apart and put it back together again, eat a sandwich and then go to bed. It was a pitiful cycle, and Grant knew he had to somehow get him out of his rut of misery. When he bumped into Skye in the hallway one morning about a month after their disastrous first date, he found himself presented with the perfect opportunity. 

"Oh, hey!" she had said, and Grant was a bit surprised at how pleasant she was.

"Hey," he said in return, turning to start down the stairs and, to his surprise yet again, she followed him. 

"Look, I'm sorry that I haven't tried to make plans with you again; it's not you, it's just that my friend has been crashing with me and I've been spending all of my time trying to get her back on her feet."

"It's fine," he assured her as they walked down to the first floor and over to the mailboxes, "I get it; Fitz has been crashing at my place since the night he interrupted our date."

"Oh, gosh." Frowning as she dug out her key, Skye looked over at Ward as she unlocked her mailbox. "How has he been?"

"Miserable," Ward stated plainly, sighing as he unlocked his own and took out his mail, "Melissa had her lawyer email him divorce papers a few weeks ago. He's been a mess ever since. It might sound awful, but I'm glad she finally did it; she was horrible to him. Cheated on him six different times."

"At least she didn't turn out to be a lesbian," Skye remarked, and Ward furrowed his brow, pausing in shuffling through his mail to look up at her. Realizing that likely sounded a bit prejudice, Skye quickly cleared up her comment. "My friend, Jemma; she caught her husband having sex with some guy in their bed when she came home from work. She's divorcing him. I mean, it's one thing for your significant other to cheat on you, but to find out that they're gay like that? He could have just _told_ her."

"Yeah, that's rough." 

The two were quiet for a long while after that, continuing to look through their mail, and it was Skye who broke the silence. 

"Look, I've been trying to get Jemma out of the apartment for weeks; how about a date?"

Looking up with surprise, Grant stammered out a response. "I, uh... I feel bad for the girl, but I don't even know her, and-"

"Not with _you_. With Fitz. It sounds like they're both miserable as all hell; maybe meeting somebody new would do them some good. Restore their faith in humanity and all that crap."

"That's a great idea," Grant stated, his eyes widening a little. "No, really, that's a _great_ idea. We could make it a double date."

A grin pulling at her lips, Skye closed her mailbox and relocked it, nodding her head. 

"Perfect. It's a date."

She had started back for the stairs, shuffling through her mail before stopping and turning around, walking back over and handing Ward a letter addressed to him with an arched eyebrow. 

"I believe this is yours."

* * *

 

"Come on, Fitz, let's go!" 

Walking out of the kitchen, sandwich in hand, the other man furrowed his brow with confusion.

"Go where?" he asked just as a knock sounded at the door, and Ward gestured to it.

"I have a date."

"You want me to go with you on a date?"

"No, _we_ have a date. Me and Skye, and you and her friend."

"Please tell me this is a joke," Fitz said, turning a shade paler, clutching his sandwich more tightly. "I don't want to go on a date! I'm not even divorced yet!"

"You may not be divorced, but I know that you're still a gentleman," Grant remarked, walking over and placing his hands on Fitz's shoulders. "Would you really stand up a girl like this?"

Opening his mouth to respond, he quickly closed it again, scowling up at Ward. "You're evil."

"No, I'm not. I just want to get laid, and you _owe_ me for the last time."

Frowning more deeply, Fitz huffed, putting his sandwich down on a plate on the coffee table and crossing his arms over his chest. He really couldn't argue with that; he had ruined his last date with Skye. 

" _Fine_."

Grinning victoriously, Ward turned to walk over to the door when another knock sounded, pulling it open to reveal the two young women standing out in the hall.

"Ladies. Come in." Grinning, he gestured them both inside, and he couldn't help but notice that Skye's friend looked extremely unhappy to be doing this. Well, at least she and Fitz would have something in common. Maybe they would bond over their misery.

"Hey, Fitz," Skye called, and he awkwardly waved, taking a few steps closer.

"Ehm... hi."

"Fitz, this is Skye's friend, Jemma," Ward introduced, before turning to the girl, "and Jemma, this is Fitz."

"It's Leo, actually," he corrected, scratching the back of his neck a bit uncomfortably, "but everybody calls me Fitz. Not that you can't, because you can, if you want, I just... I thought you should know my full name."

He was blushing now, and the young woman awkwardly held her arm, speaking up after a moment to put him out of his misery. 

"Most people call me Simmons," she stated, glancing over at Ward with narrowed eyes, "I'm not fond of my given name."

"But it's so pretty," Fitz commented, causing Simmons to blush as well. "But, I mean, if you don't like it, I won't call you that..."

"Okay," Skye piped up, taking a hold of Ward's arm, "Why don't we let you two crazy kids get to know each other? Ward. Kitchen."

He let himself be pulled from the room at Skye's request, and the discomfort in the air was obvious as soon as Fitz and Simmons were left alone together. It took several uncomfortable moments before she spoke up.

"I'm really not looking for a relationship right now," she stated, peering over at Fitz, "I'm sort of in the middle of a messy divorce... Skye just wanted to get me out of the apartment for a while."

His eyes widening, he dropped his hand from the back of his neck with surprise. "You're getting divorced? So am I! I mean, not that that's a good thing- it's a terrible, terrible thing- but... I'm sorry, you probably don't want to talk about it. You don't even want to be here..." 

Blinking with equal surprise to hear of his own situation, Simmons shook her head, taking a few proper steps forward. "No, no, I... I'd actually like someone to talk to. Skye doesn't understand... She's never been married..." After a second of hesitation, she found herself blurting out, "My husband is gay." 

Not hesitating any longer than she had, Fitz added, "My wife cheated on my six times, and she's trying to take everything I have through the divorce."

Her gaze turning sympathetic, Simmons gave her a head a small shake. "That's terrible..."

After standing and staring at each other for a moment, Fitz gestured to the couch. "Would you like to sit...?"

"Sure," she agreed, nodding, and he walked over and took a seat, patting the cushion beside him. She sat down as well. 

"So... six times?"

"Yeah... One of them was the night before our wedding, with my cousin Timmy."

"Bloody hell..."

After another silent pause, Jemma added, "I caught my husband shagging my brother."

"Bloody hell!"

Watching her look down at her lap dejectedly, Fitz waited a tick before hesitantly moving to hug her, wrapping his arms tightly around the small young woman. 

"Sounds like your husband was a miserable arse."

"Yeah. Sounds like your wife was a bitchy leech." 

"Yeah." 

It took a moment before Simmons returned his hug, and they squeezed each other comfortingly for a while until Skye and Ward walked out of the kitchen, Skye's voice startling them out of their little bubble. 

"Aww. Look at you two, hitting it off!"

"I just told him about Tad," Simmons stated, and Fitz added, "And I told her about Melissa." 

"Melissa?" Simmons asked, glancing at Fitz again, "That's a pretty name. It's a shame she turned out to be so terrible."

"Yeah. D'you want some tea? Maybe we can talk some more about everything."

"I would, actually," Simmons agreed, getting to her feet to follow him to the kitchen. "This is sort of therapeutic."

"Uh, we don't have tea," Ward interjected as the two shorter British people walked past him, and Fitz scoffed.

"Honestly. Did you really think I would move in here and not bring tea?" 

"He's American," Simmons remarked as they walked into the kitchen, the door swinging shut behind them. "All they care about is coffee-"

Her words were cut short when the door closed, and Ward huffed, furrowing his brow.

"What the hell just happened?"

"Um... Well, I think they're bonding."

"Over their _divorces_?" Ward questioned, making a skeptical face, and Skye gave her shoulders a shrug. 

"Hey, whatever floats their boat. So, do you want to swing by that new Chinese place? I've heard it's great."

"Without them?" Ward asked, glancing at the kitchen door, and Skye shrugged again.

"They'll be fine here. They have tea, and exes to bash."

Ward was about to object before he silently asked himself why the hell he was trying to do so. He was more likely to get laid without the depressing divorce duo than with them. Grabbing his jacket, he slung an arm around Skye's shoulder and led her briskly toward the door.

"Chinese food sounds great."

 


End file.
